Rant, rant, ranting...

Something I've struggled with is the loss of time. I struggle with losing my childhood, of losing me. I wish quite often I could go back, so I could enjoy it more. I wish I had done so many things, but then I realize that what's done is done. What I've done, how I've reacted, that's made me who I am. If i had been pre patriarchal blessing Charity, I would not have come up here. I would not have even really considered it! However, sice I had already gotten my patriarchal blessing, I knew that this was a moment I had been told to take advantage of. The Lord knows me better than I know me, and He is the one who told me that coming up here would be good for me, and it had been! However, I still struggle with losing time with my family, because as I've spent sleepless quiet nights thinking up here, I realize just how little I know my family. There are aunts and uncles that I know and love, but I don't really know them. I never talk with them... There are people I've never met, or that I don't remember. I wish I was closer with more of my family, I wish I knew more of them. That thought sometimes seems useless, because year after year passes and it continues. Being up here without any family (not counting my new extended family) my wish for that to change has only been strengthened. I want to share what I'm seeing with all of my family! I want them to feel how I feel up here! To have the sun glaring in your eyes, the cold biting the end of your nose, but to feel the peace of the quiet around you, to feel the wind at the beach, and to slide around on the ice kicking cans. I want them to know Alaska as I know it, I want them to see the beauty I see, the exhilaration of doing new things, I want to share it, because it's mind boggling!

So, since I didn't make a New Year's Eve resolution, I guess this would be it! I'm going to learn more about my family, I'm going to try to get closer to my family. Because I'd like to know the people I'm going to spend eternity with.

Mah, I ranted again! I rant way to often... As long as I stay away from politics and such this won't end up being like my phone calls home! =D

But yeah... It's 8:16, and I'm kinda ready for some sleep... Or if sleep doesn't find me I'll do some school.